You Know and You Can't

I like someone.

But then I know it's useless.

It's not like I fall head over heel for him.

It just... I like him.

Not  a lot, not a little

more or less... I like him

I wanna tell him that I like him.

But I will not jeopardize our friendship

over this 'LIKE' feeling.

I want to blame my hormone for this.

I hate this complicated feeling

Can I just not have this feeling

Can I not having any feeling at all

This stupid feeling only bring harm than good

It contagious... It make me fly

If I fly, I can't plant both of my feet firm to the ground

Then I will become useless.

Your emotion, it's not wrong, but your action??

Sorry feeling, but this one, you have to forget,

better hurt now than later.

Almost A Year... What did I learn?

Almost a year I didn't update my blog.

I was, I am busy, busy to live a life as a student.

I passed all my theory exam, yay to me. 

I struggled to pass the exam and I proud with myself

finally she can do it.

I graduated and I become a Koas

I travel from one hospital to one hospital

I learned from the doctors, the nurses and the patients

I met new friends, I become friend.

The cycle continue... and 

I met this awesome doctor, my mentor.

He taught us to be a tarzan, when we outside

we need to think, don't depend on your book

depend on your instinct, use your logic

think outside the box

feel the patient, empathize them

make them comfortable

you are their DOCTOR.

you are a DOCTOR, don't make them think otherwise.

I am a DOCTOR, Insya-Allah.

OKAY, WE ARE FRIENDS THEN

You are serious about want to be my best friend forever??

Okeyh, I get it. We are friends anyway... and when you meet me, don’t be shocked and fell into comatose state.

First of all, I am not that typical girl you used to meet and greet. I am tomboy in my own way. I wear a jeans, probably slim fit or skinny, my top usually not a blouse, I love to wear ROXY, Factor, Rip Curls kind of t-shirt. They maybe look kinda girly, but they’re not. I love to wear over size t-shirt, with cardigan. I usually wear a shawl, loose style. If I wear girly outfit, that’s mean I wanna look pretty and fail miserably.

Second, I love rock music. Any genres of rock. Indie, punk, alternative, psychedelic and whatever lah... I love Arctic Monkeys, Franz Ferdinand, Radiohead, Nell, Muse, Incubus, Coldplay, SCANDAL, Weezer and, who know, I just love em’ all.

Third, I am a freak with Japanese and Korean culture. I love the anime, korean drama, nippon dorama, their language, food and... DBSK/THSK/JYJ!!! I’m in LOVE with JAEJOONG!!!

Fourth, I love books. I love BOOKS!!! Sometime I think I will marry my books instead of a man. Well that could happen anyway. I rather marry my books than just a man. Duhhh~ Because they are wiser than any man I met so far.

I don’t hate anything in particular. Because to hate is to love and I don’t wanna love what I hate. I will keep myself natural, whether I hate or love something except for SHOES!!! I love SHOES. Who doesn’t love shoes is crazy. I love all kind of shoes, sneaker, wedges, heels, pump, flip flop, flat and boots. Just think about them make me excited. But, I only wear shoes that I really really like. The shoes have to be outrageous, a beauty, especially heels and wedges.

I am a little crazy, dumb and naive. But I am not pure like some girls. I don't know whether they are actually pure or dumb. But trust me, how can someone be pure and innocent when they study in Meds School.

DENIAL STATE

What if I tell you that I deleted you from my SNS because I am JEALOUS, would you believe me?

Well of course not, I told myself that I deleted you because I want to MOVE ON, and that what I told you too.

But, even I deleted you, again and again and again, it seemed like I can’t never delete you from my heart.

I am trying, I tell myself that you are not real. You can’t be real. You are just my fantasy but it seem like I am in denial state.

I deny that I don’t like you anymore, that I can totally forget about you. But, oh well, I can’t.

Even you are not real, but I know you are real and alive out there.

I love you, I miss you but I can’t love and miss you. I’m in pain.

paperKELIP : lama tak muncul dan wujud di blog ini. Bye bye 2012, hi hi 2013. But I can totally forget my exes though.

WHADDAFISH...!

Kadang-kadang benda yang aku suka tak semestinya orang lain suka dan benda yang aku tak suka pasti ada suka. Macam aku, aku ini memang tahap dewa suka dekat indie rock band, or metal band, alternative song dan aku kurang suka benda-benda yang terlalu mainstream ni... ewwww... mainstream is sooo overrated, padahal takdelah best sangat pon, kata seorang hipster.

Mungkin orang boleh label aku dengan cara pakaian aku ni ala-ala vogue, tapi cara aku tak sama macam orang lain. Contoh kita ambil, aku pakai shawl, dan ada orang lain pon pakai shawl, orang lain pakai shawl dengan skirt labuh siap ada ikat pinggang dengan baju neon colour tak cukup lagi owh skirt pon neon colour. Ala-ala fashionista. Tapi aku tak pakai macam tu. Aku pakai shawl dengan sweat shirt and cargo pant, or jeans or whatever yang aku rasa ada gaya ala-ala indie or vintage value.

Dan... orang mungkin suka gila bila update status facebook dia dengan penulisan yang panjang-panjang macam nak buat cerpen. Tahap yang bila kita pakai smartphone nak scroll ke bawah punyalah lama mak oii. Tapi aku pulak paling panjang pon tiga baris sahaja dan ayat yang aku tulis tu mungkin hanya aku dan beberapa orang kawan je yang faham. Sebab bagi aku, kalau semua orang faham dengan ayat yang aku tulis, tak private lah kan. Dan kawan-kawan dekat facebook tu yang TAK KENAL pon ada. Strangers. Tapi kalau follow aku kat twitter banyak lah benda yang aku merapu kat situ.

Atau... orang yang dah bercouple ni memang suka geli-geli eh di facebook? Pastu kalau marah dengan pasangan masing-masing mula lah merapu meraban, marah-marah. Awak sangat tak menghormati orang lain. People judge you know. Awak kalau awak nak buat macam tu, saya unfriend nanti awak mengamuk. Baik awak buat twitter, awak nak mengamuk pon xde orang kesah. Tapi make sure time tu timeline takde manusia.

Owh semestinya... Manusia ni memang tak pernah nak puas hati. Aku paling geram dengan manusia yang amek gambar dalam restoran pastu caption "Eeeeii... kitew dah mokmok lah!" eh dah tahu gemuk pergi restoran fast food, hentam makan banyak-banyak, pastu GEDIK. Pftttt... atau dengan jenis manusia yang kurus kering buat status "Ermm... ittew dah gemuks, naik 2-3kg" okay sila pergi meninggal SEKARANG... I demand you!

Tapi itulah. Mungkin ramai orang suka pakai baju tudung, top and bottom dia warna yang striking, ada yang suka tulis status macam nak buat esei SPM, ada yang suka couple geli-geli di home mereka sebab mereka rasa couple tu sweet dan sememangnya ada yang suka poyo dia gemuk padahal tak pun.

Dan saya sebaliknya dari anda.

paperKELIP : You know what, my university came up with new term and regulation this semester. All the students must wear formal attire. We can only wear Blouse, Kemeja (Shirt), Slack, skirt and baju kurung. No more jeans, and t-shirt!!! And... I have to wear baju kurung like everyday to the class.This is some kind of torture.