Saturday, 21 May 2011



I hate you,

I am sorry but I really can help myself from hating you.

Hating you is the best thing I can do right now, you are the worst person I ever met, the worst among the worst, yeah you are. I wish I never met you and I regret I met you. You are the biggest mistake in my life. I HATE YOU, now and forever. If you don’t know why I hate you this much, well you should know what you did. If you too dumb to admit your mistake, defend it. I hate you, I don’t trust you. And I am fuck up. Sorry, but I don’t feel sorry for you. Yeah I hate you. I hate you and I wish I can say it out loud straight to your face, I HATE YOU SO MUCH.

I hate you, sincerely with all my heart.


Wednesday, 4 May 2011



I am a person who learn from my past. I have this Post-Traumatic Disorder (penyakit yang aku reka sendiri) since I lost Her. Since then, I am lost, self-conscious aku hilang, and the result is I became who am I today, as you can see ( if you can see inside me lah)

Yeah... Its hurt but, you know sometime you just to let it go, let it go baby, don’t keep it to your heart.

Last February, Kak Utaq and Abang Firdaus asked me to take care of their cats which were Bom Bom, Bimbi and Milo. They are cute, very cute and I love them so much, of course I love Bimbi more. But you know what, no matter how much I love them especially Bimbi, Kak Utaq will come and take her back. So, I set my mind, my mental, I will let them go, I have to, if not I will grief. Oh yeah... last Sunday they took them back. I am sad, but I can’t cry, I have to be strong I have to let them go. I have to let my princess go (Bimbi). Love Bimbi.

I know, its hard to let someone go, I felt it before, to let my mom go is hard, it took almost 3/4 of my heart, to grow it back to normal is not easy. I’m in love with her and she was my big lost. Even if someone asked me about her, I will hide my tears in my heart. Come on, I can’t cry in front of people, I’m not weak, even if I’m shaking I will stand it.

Recently, I break up with Lukman, I let him go, and that is my choice, I choose to let him go. I am moving on, yes moving on. Yeah I am sad, sad too sad... But to let people see my sadist condition is not good too right. I am broken. Bak kata ayat-ayat novel cinta tu “Luka lama baru nak sembuh dah dapat luka baru”, Luka lama yang aku try nak rawat pon tak terawat sebab banyak sangat komplikas dia, baru nak sembuh tapi penawar tu racun rupanya.

Trying to erase my “BIG LOSS” then come other “BIG DISEASE”. I know I am not stable, but I am trying to stable myself. I laugh, I smile, I talk, and I even do something that I don’t want to do, pegang katak dan potong kepala dia misalnya (Ingat aku nak ke potong kepala katak tu??) then aku rela darah aku kena amek time praktium PK, dan sampai sekarang efek samping tu terasa, tangan aku belah kiri ni asyik kebas je, agak-agak saraf kat bagian tu tak sembuh lagi kot. Dan-dan aku rasa aku agak ada masalah kejiwaan sikit hari demi hari, aku rasa aku ada simptom-simptom Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (tiap-tiap hari aku akan sapu bilik aku tiap 10 menit sebab aku rasa bilik aku kotor), then Bulimia, aku akan rasa aku ni cam Panda or Queen Latifah after makan banyak-banyak, in order to compensate, aku akn workout tak ingat dunia. Seriously, buat masa sekarang ni tak menganggu hidup aku lagi, tapi aku takut aku tak boleh kontrol diri aku sendiri. Harap-harap aku boleh control.

Well... aku rasa semua ni sekejap je, insya-ALLAH aku normal sebab aku yakin ALLAH swt itu ada untuk menjaga dan menstabilkan hidup kita kalau kita berusaha kan. Maybe I am not 100% heal, but I am here, study, listen to people, happy with myself, family, friends and you (tak taw sape). Owh and you in my dream, it nice to know that you are not like what you look. Hahaha.

Let go and moving on... Please babe, I know its hard, but life is not in our hand. Its not a bicycle handle or car wheel, we can’t control it. The least you can do is pray for the best. Looking you like this make devastated.