GOSSIP…Sssshh...

So, it has come to this.

Tak sangka lah pulak mbak yang kitaorang upah as housekeeper ni pandai bergossip. Jangan kau bawak gossip pasal aku kat rumah orang lain sudah... Alaa. Aku ni bukannyer ada gossip best pon. Takat mbak teha ni suka gila lah pasang lagu rock kuat-kuat, pastu suka gelak kuat-kuat macam anak nyi. Pokoknyer takde benda best pon pasal aku. Tapi jangan harap lah aku nak bocor pasal gossip orang lain kat orang lain. I keep it confidential, aku kan baik.

And and and... Bole pulak mbak ni tanya, “Mbak Teha udah punya cowok blom?” heee...

Soalan... well tak kan lah ak nak jawab “Mbak, aku ga minat sama lelaki, jadi ak masih sendiri, gi mana mau pacaran kalo aku sendiri juga ga suka sama laki2?” mau si Mbak ni jaw drop kalau aku buat ayat macam tu, kalau jaw drop dan henti takat situ je takpe, mahu dia cakap kat orang lain aku ni ada kelainan identiti or Nympho mati aku. Weyh, hilang periuk nasik aku! ngee~

Jadi aku pun jawab “Mbak, aku ga suka ama cowok malaysia di sini, aku suka sama cowok di KOREA!” sambil senyum sebab fikir pasal Jaejoong. HeHeHe. Asal tau aja yach, aku ga pernah suka sama cowok yang seangkatanku. Kerna aku suka sama cowok yang paling kurang umurnya harus 5 tahun lebih tua dariku. Let say I am 23, so the guy have to be 25 :)

Owh... aku bukan Nympho atau teringin nak mengamalkan gaya hidup nymphomaniac. Kau gila? Aku cuma masih tak ada perasaan kat mana-mana lelaki kecuali Jaejoong, Tom Hardy dah Tom Hiddleston. Dan aku tak faham kenapa orang tergila-gilakan Robert Pattison as Edward Cullen? Come on lah, aku tergila-gilakan dia sebagai Cedric Diggory dalam Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire. Tapi of course lah antara ke-empat empat jejaka ni, crush aku dari aku kecik sampai aku besar adalah Mr.Wolverine sendiri.

Bila X-men life action keluar dan Hugh Jackman jadi wolverine, lagi lah aku cinta banget sama wolverine. Too cool to define. He is just ‘COOLIO’ di mata seorang aku.

Aku rasa aku patut dapatkan treatment untuk memulihkan diri supaya ada perasaan pada lelaki melayu, tiba-tiba abah aku cakap yang dia nak jodohkan aku dengan mana-mana mamat, mati lah aku. Tak pasal-pasal aku jadi batu atau tunggul kayu. Tapi aku tahu aku tak akan kena kawen paksa.

Ok... this is the band from Japan that I like like like . Sakanaction

ROCK VERSION OF ME...

Title nak yang gempak je kan. Wutever :p

Okay… Today is 16 May 2012 and we all know every year on 16 May, our country, yes my beloved Malaysia will celebrate Teacher’s Day. And Alhamdulillah so far, none of the ulamak made a statement that Teacher’s Day is HARAM. Of course not lah, ya dey belek lah buku sejarah balik kalau tiba-tiba ada orang cakap Hari Guru haram memang nak kena back hand dengan aku lah kan. Ok Mother’s Day we can say it Haram to celebrate because of the history, yada yada the christian celebrate it yada yada Virgin Mary and so on. Pokoknya takut boleh terpesong aqidah, makanya faham-faham sendiri lah.

HAPPY TEACHER’S DAY!!!!

___

So I woke up early this morning, Solat then I skipping rope like 10 minutes, showered and get ready to class. Maybe I woke up early but my time management is not very accurate, aku kan tak boleh harap. I was late this morning, and macet nak mampos pagi tadi, terpaksa turun angkot dan menapak sambil berlari-lari anak. Cis~.

Before I got in into the angkot, I bumped into my super super senior. He is like my bro to me, because he and my angah share the same age. We greeted each other chat a little bit (dalam hati dah gabra sebab dah lambat, dah lah Dr Ridwan selalu on time).

Masuk je kelas, memang kelas dah mula pon, tapi baru first slide, so aku takdelah lambat sangat pon. HeHeHe. Abes je kelas, dan nak tunggu kelas berikutnya mula, aku pun semak twitter, owh ada mention from that bro, dia cakap “Rock giler gi sekolah wei! macam nak pergi konsert… Hahahaha”.

Automatic aku tengok kat baju aku, fashion dan style yang aku gayakan, aku rasa biasa je. Blouse cekelat, skinny jeans, selendang, beg putih... Adekah dia demam. Okay I agreed with him, okay I have to admit, this is my fashion actually, since forever. The fashion that I used to before is not my style at all, it was suck, I mean I suck at it. I feel like I was a fake, a poser.

When I was 19, I thought to myself “I am a girl, so I have to wear like a girl”. So, I wear baju kurung (I hate baju kurung), baju-baju perempuan (blouse, skirt, dress) and act like a real girl (konon ayu) until I realise, what the hell did I try to do ??? You are Fatehah Malik for god sake, Fatehah Malik dan baju kurung tak bole duduk dalam satu ayat. I can wear skirt or dress but not baju kurung, I look hideous in it, like an alien. Owh I hated baju kurung since I was a little girl.

I really really love my ROCK version in fashion. I feel like me. I feel comfortable. And I know Abah don’t like it. I am sorry abah.

I think that, you know... A guy never wants his girl to dress up like a rockers (macam aku). Maybe this is my methodology to avoid them from staring at me. Okay I have a story, and the story kinda embarrassing.

Senin lepas, aku kena pakai baju kurung, lebih kurang terpaksa lah, wajib, mandatory. Dan aku tak tidur malam before tu sebab aku tak dapat tido. Pagi tu aku rasa macam zombie je, dan aku lambat. Maklumlah zombie kan lembab dan lampi. Sebab aku lambat, kelam kabut aku gosok tudung (satu lagi, tudung bawal ni leceh sebab kena gosok) sebab aku dah pilih awal-awal untuk pakai baju kurung yang tak payah gosok. Dah pakai baju kurung, tak kan nak pakai sneaker kan, pakai lah heels yang tinggi tu.

Owh, aku tak pernah kisah kalau kena pakai heels sebab aku dah biasa, cuma sekrang aku dah jarang pakai. After classes, aku cepat-cepat blah nak balik rumah walaupun before tu aku singgah library. Tapi aku janji, aku cepat-cepat balik rumah. Masa aku balik tu, aku rasa semua orang pandang aku dengan pandangan pelik, dah lah senyum-senyum macam nak mintak pelempang.

Jadi aku pon buat assumption, aku memang betul-betul ada gaya makhluk asing dengan pakai baju kurung dan heels sebab macam ada suatu abnormality pada aku dan menyebabkan orang tengok aku. Kalu pakai heels dengan skirt or seluar aku rasa aku masih normal. Makanya...

Okay, kalau baju kurung ini hidup dia akan cakap kat aku
”HATERS GONNA HATE!!!” or “Y U NO LOVE BAJU KURUNG?” or “FUUUUUU...”

paperKELIP : Korang pernah dengar tak this band from Japan Sakanaction? Well I the band is pretty good. I love it.

RAINING...

So, it was raining tonight and I have a date with one of my housemates. She wanted to break her fast with Kenny Rogers. After I skipping rope, showered, dressed up and putting some make up, suddenly the rain started to rain. It was not a heavy one, but when we waiting for a taxi, then it started to downpour, cats and dogs, with the thunder and all. We was drenched in a rain.

After a few hours waiting for a taxi, we decided to ride a bajaj because the taxis won’t take passengers. That’s lame. We reached TA, wet and cold, went to Kenny Rogers, ordered our food, and we started talking. And then, an american guy who was sitting behind us with his family (her wifey is indonesian) started to blabber about us, he was literally looking at me and said how my friend shake his chair and how we smell like medicine and make him dizzy and so on.

Hello mister. You think I don’t understand what you talking ? We wearing hijab and that doesn’t mean I can’t understand you. And you know what sir, we smell like medicine because we are med student. And yeah, I just get back from the hospital, dissect a few cadaver with my own hand and yeah I bathed with formaline. So, you know why we smell like medicine/hospital/formaline (Joking)

This guy was rude. I felt like I can slap him, step on his foot, kick his ass and throw him into a garbage can. I mean where is his manners? He can’t talked to a strange like that. He pissed me off, annoying brad. He don’t know how punk can I get when I’m mad. He just lucky because I am not a rude western girl. Aku masih mempraktekkan adat-adat ketimuran dengan senyum. I am a polite girl.

Anyway, there is a freaking guy who thought I am a nympho. What the hell was he thinking? I hated guy, and that doesn’t mean I’m a gay. I am not crazy, I am moslem. Owh yeah, I hated XYs, especially my ex. I hate him as much as I love him before.

I am sorry if I disappoint you, but I am straight. As straight as you. And when the right time come, if I am ready, confident, I will get married. Walaupun masa tu umur aku dah 60 tahun. Who care. But I am straight. I am not a nympho.

It’s easy for people who don’t understand you or know you judge you for whatever you are not. If I have more time to judge people, I will judge you as a freak. What I said about marriage is just my opinion. My mind want me to think that I will not happy if I get married. So, if my mind say that, how can I change it. I am what my mind is.

I have long way to go before I can get married. I have to finish my study, I have to HO for 2 years, I have to be a surgeon, I have to go to Iraq, Afghanistan and Palestine and save as people. I think if I ever get married, and at the same time I running towards my dream, I don’t think Imma gonna be a good wife or mother. They will hate me, for being selfish. No?

So to you, that freaking guy, if you don’t know me at all, why don’t you just shut your big mouth and try to learn be an empathy person. Sincerely me, Fatehah Malik.

RAINING...

.Today is not a so great day.

I woke up early morning, get ready to class, and it was raining, heavy downpour, Jakarta was crying like a amah losing her husband, and I was wondering, why I have classes today ???? Because I wanna SLEEP more and more and more. And the whole class look like German to me! I have to SURVIVE. I have to get my revenge. I have to get an A for this block. This is revenge.

So... emmm... you know what, you can go all the barnacles blister all you want because I don’t give a damn. Ignorance is a bliss anyway, so I’m gonna ignore you.

Owh I miss my Abah.

HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF...

Hey guys... I wonder, have you ever thought of killing yourself ???
Not practically killing yourself like hanging yourself or drink arsenic or potassium cyanide. No, that not it. Don’t ever do that, that a sin.

You know... Like you talked to a guy (your crush) but you couldn’t talked normally. Like suddenly you have aphasia, and you don’t know what you’re talking about and you ended it with “OK, Peace”, after a few moment you realized that you messed up and said “Oh my god. I just said PEACE, Imma gonna kill myself”

Well... I did. But I didn’t said PEACE, it was embarrassing. I talked to him, but he leave me with no expression. I think I will never face him. I think I just gonna disappear and vanish. That’s why I hated XY Chromosome. *PEACE*

Owh... I have thought of killing myself the moment I messed up with my bro drinking bottle. I think the bottle is expensive. If he ever find out that I smashed the bottle to the ground, I think I might jump into a toilet bowl and flush myself. Hmm...

I hate to say this but I am forever alone. I love the way I am now. I’m used to it. I don’t care if I am single or lonely or whatever. I will always forever alone. I love it. I got this from twitter “Hey, you are too cute to be single” “Yeah..? Well you are too ugly to flirt with me”.

I am not cute and all, but I am sure that I don’t wanna flirt with anyone.

I AM NOT AS POSITIVE AS YOU THINK

I am lonely... I am forever alone... I am doom.

Pernah tak rasa perasaan ni, melayang-layang tanpa tali, melayang dan melayang sebab tak tahu kita kat mana. Terawang-awang. Floating without any direction, trapped.

Well... That’s what I feel now. Right now, at this moment. When my other friend can continue their journey to Semester 8, I am trapped here, can’t continue my journey, and I am not even in any semester pon. I am not in semester 2,4,6, I am just here. In between the semester. The worst is, I can’t even define if the line between my current semester and semester 8 is thin or thick.

I am sad. Yes I am. I wanna take a shower.